Yet another year.

2013.

I can say, it has been a blur.

And as I look back over this blog, I did a pretty poor job documenting it.  Maybe 2014 will leave me with more time to write.  Or maybe not.  We shall see.

Thinking about this year, here are some highlights that come to my mind.

In March, we bought our very first home.  And what a crazy process that was.  After looking at over 30 homes, we landed in a home that has proven to be a blessing beyond belief.    We were denied the home we thought was meant for us.  God proved to us yet again, that he is in control.  We spent a LOT of time painting and working in this house before moving in.  And then of course, we moved.  We all know what a joy moving is :)  So many people came and helped us.  Such a blessing.

Cora basically potty trained herself this year.  That was pretty neat.  Although still accidents now and again, i'm thankful for her independence. :)

In April, we had our five year anniversary.  And went to Gatlinburg for the weekend to celebrate.  I'm amazed to look back and think about how God has strengthened our marriage.  Through trials, we have clung to God and to each other, and i'm so happy to say we've come out stronger.

Mark started as a part time worship leader at our church.  That's been a good outlet for him.

We spent a lot of time growing in our individual jobs.  Responsibilities on both our ends in our work-lives grew.  I took a CNA course, Mark became manager of his department's help desk.

We've been blessed.  That's evident to me.   As I look around at the house I live in, the job i work, the children I have, the God I serve, and the man i'm married to, I can't help but feel so undeserving.  I'm so very thankful.

Mark & I both feel that 2014 will bring something new.  No idea what that means.  But i'm praying, and we shall see.

I have both fear and excitement to see what this new year will bring.

Happy 2014, friends.

Merry Christmas!!!

Wishing you and your family a beautiful christmas.

We have so much to be glad for, Friends.

Much love,

Mark, Lauren, Owen & Cora.

Thanksgiving.

I failed miserably at the thankful posts :)

But that's okay.

Why I thought I could do that in the midst of work, normal life and a CNA course, I have no idea :)

We had a beautifully lazy thanksgiving.  Seriously, after ending my clinicals on the weds before thanksgiving, i longed for a lazy one.  We ate, we chatted, we napped, we just "were"  It was awesome.

And tonight, my heart is so full after an evening of picking out our christmas tree.  The joy in my children when picking out the tree is seriously something that makes me giddy.

Then, as we set up the tree in our new home for the first time, I realized that I have all that I've wanted.  I don't have lots of money.

I don't have lots of nice things.

But, I have what's important.

I have a perfect family, and a warm home over my head, full bellies, and a Lord who loves us.

ahhh, that is bliss.

As we were setting up our tree in it's newly found "spot" I got a little choked up thinking that this may be the tradition for the rest of our lives if we stay in our home that long.  

Pretty Neat.

Just some of my thoughts from my Christmasy night :)

Owen found us the perfect 7 foot tree.

I promise I'm thankful.

I've obviously missed a few days.  But that's okay, because I'm giving it a go :)

Today, i'm so immensely thankful for a good day with Cora.

This little girl, you guys...she is intense.  She is determined and she is focused.  When she loves, she loves hard...(literally sometimes she loves so much she bites...it's terrible)  ;)

And let me tell you a little bit about how the last week and a half or so has gone.  

She has been potty trained for well over 2 months.  And last week sometimes she decided she didn't care anymore.  She decided she would just pee and poop all over the floor.  She also decided that every day at nap she would make sure to get up a poop all over her floor and then promptly smear it everywhere.  Yes, this happened lots of times.  We put her in a diaper and it didn't matter, she would take it off, quietly climb out of her bed, and do the deed.

She also has the strongest will of any little child I know.  She will defy and defy and defy.  Somedays I felt like I'd tried everything in the world, and nothing could get her to obey.  We tried time outs we tried talking and we tried spanking to get her to obey.  Days were FULL (and sometimes still are) of COLOSSAL fits and tantrums. 

Let me give you a little example.

(excuse me laughing at her.)

YES. that is my baby screaming "YOU DON'T LOVE MEEEEEEE"  and "I DONT LOVE YOU!!!!!!!" Does that totally break your heart???? It did mine.  Although I knew it wasn't coming from a honest place in her heart.

This may seem extreme to some of you but I would end lots of days in full fledge tears. Let me just say, it is so hard. This is so so hard.  I'm in the midst of it.

BUT TODAY!  Today my little girl although not perfect, decided the majority of the day, to listen to me.  Did you hear that?! She DECIDED.  I didn't force her, I didn't spank her, I didn't threaten her.  I gave her choices, and treated her like a human being would like to be treated, and she chose the right thing! (Mainly...again, we had our moments)  We played for over an hour, her and I, in my bed.  She was the "mama" and i was the "baby."  She tucked me in, "rubbed me," read me books, etc.  We laughed and laughed, and then I put her to bed. Rocked her to sleep.  THAT is satisfaction.  I can have so many bad days, but when that happens, I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude.

When my child WANTS to listen and do the right thing, rather then being scared into doing it, it seriously just makes my whole day.  

I'm so thankful for the good times I've had with her today.

Now i can only pray and hope and wait and see what tomorrow will bring

:)

2 ladies i'm immensely thankful for.

These are two of my nearest and dearest friends:

Where do I even begin?  I have known both Abby and Crystal since I was in grade school.  Through both ups and downs in our relationships (as in all relationships) I have always treasured and loved them.  They keep me sane, whether it's having fun nights out, or letting me text them pages and pages of angry rants about how crazy my kids are being or how mad I am, they are always there.   I can be honest with them, even when it's not pretty.

I'm so so blessed.

A lot of times I think "i don't have many friends" and then i wake up and realize oh my word, i do too!!!!  Not just Crystal and Abby, but others too.  Thank the Lord.

So Abby & Crystal- i'm so thankful for you and i honestly don't know how i'd make it in this life without you.

2 days of thankfulness :)

I missed yesterday :)  So this will be a two for one.

I'm immensely thankful for this guy:

my husband.

I cannot say enough how much i Love him.  I don't know what i would do without him.  His constant love and support and understanding is un-measureable.

A compassionate and strong father, and a hard-working and selfless husband.

I can't imagine a day without him.

I'm also so thankful for my job.

I'm currently getting certified in becoming a nurse's assistant.  My boss is paying for me to do so, so that I'm better able to meet her needs.  But it is helping me and benefiting me so much for her to do so.  She could have just let me go and hired someone through insurance.  Instead, she wants to take time and money to educate ME.  I'm truly blessed by the people i work for and I love them like they are my family.

Have a wonderful night.

Day #2 of thankfulness.

Today, i'm thankful for a church body that my kids love and adore.

They feel so comfortable each Sunday and have friends to join them in their class.  They learn things and grow spiritually each week.

Makes this mama's heart happy.


Short and sweet today.

November Thankfulness.

Obviously, it's good to be thankful all the time, every month, every day.  I'm glad that we have thanksgiving to really hyper focus on all that we have to be thankful for!!!

SOOOO
i've never done this before but for the month of November i'm going to write each day about what i'm thankful for.


So today, I'm thankful for my nieces and nephews.

:)

How cute are they?  

They are NOT all pictured here.

In fact, three are missing.

I've always had this vision of a big family, and with all these babes and their parents, we have such a beautiful family.  I love them with all of my heart and I can't WAIT to keep watching them grow up and being a part of their lives hopefully for the REST of their lives.

Never has "school" been so scary.

Parents go through so much.  We freak out about birth, sleeping through the night, breast or bottle feeding, how old is old enough for solids, is co-sleeping okay, terrible twos, biting, too much tv, etc.  I've experienced all of that, and i re-experience it with Cora.   But, a brand new and quite, if not the most, terrifying has come up....and in about 10 months will take place.

school.


Home school?  Public school?  Private school?

my heard seriously spins trying to think about this.  I have fears and concerns for each and every option.  And every parent i talk to has a different opinion.  A lot of times i hear "do what's right for your child."  What if i don't even know which one IS right for my child??  I know Owen so well, all 4 years of him...but, he has so much more to go.  There is so much more to learn.

School thoughts consume me for at least a little bit each and every day.

If you think about us, i'd appreciate and gladly accept any and all prayers for wisdom in what to do.

nothing is more nerve wrecking then choosing where to send your child for (potentially) the next 12 years of his or her life!!!  AH.



Plus---how is THIS kid old enough to have me thinking about school???

eeeekkk.

Today was one of those days.  The kind of day where I put on a calm outer self, and try my hardest not to explode with anger.  Today, Cora threw a fit.   Big deal, right?  YES. big deal.  In fact, a VERY big deal.  It was probably the biggest and worst fit i have ever experienced in the history of raising children.  Which i have been doing for close to 5 years.  I'll spare you details.

My day looked a lot like this:

And some days are harder then others with parenting.  We all know that.  And some days I lay my head on the pillow and think "thank GOD today is over."  For some strange reason tonight i'm thanking God for this day.  I learned a lot today.  I was really humbled today.  In the midst of the colossal fit, i saw God work.  For example, Cora was out of control...i don't even know how to describe the severity of her behavior.  I also had Owen with me.  In fact, this insane tantrum took place at Owen's school.  While Cora was acting a fool, Owen was an angel.  he looked at me, and just seemed to KNOW that he had to be good for me, for my sanity, and i thank God for that.  God also gave me patience.  In my angry heart i wanted to scream at her, and maybe even hurt her.  (come on, i KNOW you've had those moments.)  Instead, i was compelled to hold her and pray with her.  (don't worry, i did discipline her too) I think that was from God.  Thirdly, i had a lot of encouragement from some friends, which confirmed to me that i was a good mom, and that this is normal.

I learned that when i'm getting a bazillion dirty looks, while i look hopeless and people may be taking it upon themselves to judge why my kids are acting so naughty, I have to rely on God.  not my strength, or my wisdom in parenting.  When it comes down to it, with out him, I have nothing.

SO..this evening, i strapped Cora on, and we went for a walk:

(look at her smile. warms my soul)

We had a nice long chat about being kind to mama. 

There's also something humbling about wanting to be as far away from a kid as possible, and yet, strapping them on your body, so close to you, and just being with them. 

I pray tomorrow brings some better behavior.

But i'm thanking God for today, and trying to take hope in the fact that i AM a good parent. 

i'll stop my rambling for now.

:)

These smiles bring me joy.

Lots of babies running around, is lots of hard work.

Moments of joy like this, make it all worth it.

Those smiles! Full heart.

A little house work :)

We spent our weekend working on our house!

we repainted the door frame and put in a nice storm door :)

before (on left) and after (on right)

and garage frame before(top) and after (bottom)

amazing how a little bit of work can make such a big difference!!! :)

A Turning Point.

This week has been a very emotional week for me.  (and no, it's not because i'm crying out for sugar and gluten..ha ha..the detox is going fine.)

The reason why, is because my son has spent several nights this week at prairie camp.  No big deal, right?  wrong.   Imagine the feeling (and some of you know it firsthand, you don't have to imagine) of carrying a child inside you for 41 long weeks.  41 weeks of pain and sickness.  All worth every single bit.  Then, that child, needing you.  For EVERYTHING.   Now, i'm watching that child DESIRE and WANT& thrive during special times away from me.  I'm watching him WANT to grow closer to the Lord and make new friends and be his own person.  I am so unbelievably proud of Owen.  The selfish mom in me is yelling "NO YOU CANT GO TO CAMP! I MISS YOU, AND ITS TOO HARD!"  Instead, i'm encouraging him, and telling him how proud I am of him and his beautiful heart.   I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it has been a revolutionary week for me in the way that I see my not so little boy.

Walking by his room several nights this week to see his empty bed, has been eye opening.  This life is truly flying.  Sometimes i long to re-do it all.  I'd redo that awful pregnancy, to experience and love it again and again.  Meanwhile, I'm praying to GOD that I can be the mother that this thriving boy needs me to be.

(happily eating french toast at Grammy and Pappy's cabin)

:)

My ramble for the week.

21 days.

Today marks day #1 of a new food adventure for Mark and I.

21 day sugar and gluten detox.


So august 12th will be our last day!


Wish us luck!

Our goal with cutting the sugar is to loose weight, and feel more energy.  We all know that putting sugar in your body is not good in any way.  (we're doing this with some friends- the sugar part- so that is ALWAYS helpful!)

our goal with the gluten is to see how it makes us feel to not have any gluten whatsoever in our bodies. We've read a LOT of articles on the not-so-good about gluten.  So we are going to give it a whirl :)

Here goes nothing ;)

These lyrics. My heart right now.

In the middle of the night
When worry finds me
In the middle of the fight
When strength is gone
In the middle of a fire
When fear is closing in
You are, You are my song
You're my hope, when hope is gone

I will cast my cares on You the almighty
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You're good
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You love me, You love me
Oh, oh because You love me

In the middle of the night
When worry finds me
In the middle of the fight
When strength is gone
In the middle of a fire
When fear is closing in
You are, You are my song
You're my hope, when hope is gone

So I will cast my cares on You the almighty
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You're good
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You love me, You love me
Oh, oh because You love me
Oh, oh because You love me

God of glory
You are able
Through Your power
To be faithful
God of mercy
Every moment
You are near to me

So I will cast my cares on You the almighty
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You're good
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You love me, You love me
Oh, oh because You love me
Oh, oh because You love me

In the middle of the night
I'll pray with confidence
In the middle of the fight
You're greater still
In the middle of a fire
Your love is holding me
You are, You are my song
You're my hope, when hope is gone

(song by Tim Timmons)

A Little Honesty from a heavy heart.

You know how some lessons you learn over and over, yet, they affect you every time in a new way?
Yes. I'm re-learning a lesson i've already learned this week.
A classmate passed away very unexpectedly and tragically on Friday.  She was my best friend when I was in 1st and 2nd grade.  We had so much fun together, &got in "trouble" together. :)  As we grew older, we drifted apart, which is normal.  Throughout the rest of my school years, I always still considered her a friend.  She had two little boys around the same ages as my kids, and it was always so nice running into her at target or wherever.  So friendly, and she'd always give me a big hug.  Although not super close to her at this stage in my life, my heart is just broken.  I can't stop thinking about her, or her little boys who lost their mom.

Death is a lesson that ALWAYS teaches me.  It always overwhelms me, and it always confuses me.

This life is so messed up.  We all run around working, collecting money, buying nice houses and nice clothes, builiding up a retirement fund so we can be comfortable, etc.  But then, we die.  And it happens so unfortunately fast.  And those things don't matter in the least.

I want to be known for my love.  I want to be known for my friendship, for helping people, and for worrying about things that really matter.

My heart is so saddened, yet God is trying to re-shape me.

Thanks for letting me spill my heart a little bit.

Treasures.

Sometimes i'll stumble upon things that are on my computer that i didn't even know were there.    Today, i found this picture:

and my heart is in a puddle.

I cannot believe how extremely blessed I am.

I cannot believe how the biggest struggle in my life brings me the most joy.

I cannot believe she is going to be two in less then two months.

I cannot believe how perfect she was and still is (attitude and all)

So glad I stumbled upon this little gem today.

i treasure this photo 

<3 p="">

Owen Turned 4! (a while ago...)

Owen turned 4 a while ago.  And we were a bit delayed in getting his 4 year old pictures between buying a house, an anniversary trip, and moving!  BUT- we finally got them done!

Shannon Chaput at yourstoryphotography.net did them for us :)

here are some of them

even though this were primarily for Owen's 4 year pics, we snuck in a few of the two of them :)

okay and a little of everything ;)

i was not prepared to be in pictures...but Shannon still caught some awesome shots :)

Doing it!

www.imafanoffood.blogspot.com

:)

Life keeps coming!

Hey All-

Just thought i'd give a quick update on our lives! We're running around like crazy people as usual, but we have a lot of new and exciting/stressful things going on and coming up :)

1.) Mark was asked to be a part-time worship leader at Epic.  We are pretty excited about this!
2.) I'm going back to school end of june to get my nurse's assistant certificate
3.) My boss has asked me to consider full time employment instead of part time coming this fall.  I haven't made a choice yet.
4.) I've been learning a LOT about food.   And how i hate everything.  Ok, not really.  Not at all.  BUT, i have been learning more about how our food here is made and it's awful.  I'm considering starting a food blog because i enjoy learning about it and cooking and baking healthy alternatives so very much!

Here are some recent pictures of my babes:

*Cora is becoming SOO much more verbal.  She tries to write her name since her brother can.  She scribbles as she says "C...O..." :)

*Owen has quit napping.  That's right, we only have one napping child now.  Sad day.  But in all honesty it hasn't been too bad.  I've just had to learn to roll with life and be patient! :)

That's about it!

Have a safe and happy memorial day!

House Work.

Well, we are working each and every day on getting our house "done."  We move in this weekend, and unfortunately, it will NOT be done...but with 2 kids to work around, and jobs, it's not very easy!!


We have made progress however.  I'll show you a little bit of the kitchen before/after.  We are still waiting on appliances to be delivered !


no light fixture.  SUPPPPER dark paint that I wasn't a big fan of.

After:

light fixture installed (thank you Dad) and new paint :)

I'm really happy with this room! Can't wait to hang decorations, get a cute table in there and get those shiny black appliances installed 

Potty Time. And House Time. :)

So, Cora pooped in the potty yesterday.  I know, super awesome way to start this blog entry..with a little TMI.  :)  I'm not sure how intentional it was, but that's 2 pee's and one poo.   I'm optimistic that she will be easier then Owen to potty train! So here's hoping that I'm right :)


I promised to update on the house--SO, we are buying a house.  After looking at probably at LEAST 20 homes.  This house was listed and within 12 hours we went and looked at it.  We were the FIRST to look at it and the FIRST to put in an offer.  It's a foreclosure. When we put the offer in, the comment was made that it would be a "miracle" if we got this house.  Meaning, it's a fantastic deal.  A newer home worth much more then it's going for.  There were lots of offers lined up after us, one being a CASH offer (which is how we lost the FIRST house we wanted)  Well, after thought, i can definitely say that I now know why we lost the first home..because God had better lined up for us :)  We are said to close the FIRST week of April...that is SOON folks! :)

There is painting to be done, boxes to be packed, etc etc.  Don't worry, you'll be getting invited to help :)

Here's a not so good picture of the outside that i just stole of a realtor website :)

Just praying that these next couple weeks go smoothly, and all keeps working out to be moved into this house by mid april! :)

A Long Time. Mommy Guilt. Cora Rose.

As you can tell by the title of the post, i have a lot on my mind! :)

First off, it's been a really really long time since i blogged.  I know i don't have to explain the reasons why.  We all know that being a full time mom and wife and part time worker is reason enough.   But i will say this--i MISS blogging!  So, i'm going to attempt to return.

Something on my mind a lot lately is "mommy guilt." Guilt that i know I am free of, and don't have to feel, but guilt that does creep up on me.  With Owen, i blogged like daily...about EVERYTHING...from what the kid was eating to what he was looking at to any.little.thing.  With Cora, i've barely blogged.  With Owen, I kept a baby book about ANYTHING that happened, with Cora, i've written down a few things, and forgot to write down the rest.   I feel absolutely horrible about that.  I don't know when she got her first tooth or what day it came in.  i don't know the day in which she took her first step.  I know the age, but not down to the very hour like i did with Owen.  I love her with all my heart and I praise God for her every single day....so it's not that i love her less.  The truth is that with two kids instead of one, you are so focused on just making it through the day with both kids fed and relatively happy and alive.  I've been so busy just staying sane, that details seem to have kind of surpassed me.   I hope that Cora won't look back on that and think I didn't love her.   I also spent ALL OF MY TIME teaching Owen.  Reading him a million books a day, not letting him watch an OUNCE of tv, taking him on walks and having specific learning times.  With Cora...yes, i read to her.  Yes, i try to teach her when able, but man, it's different.  The first difference I think is that I stayed home FULL time with Owen.  With Cora, i've worked part time since she was born.  Obviously time is a factor.   There are just so many differences.  And that's REALITY.  It's not the same.  And to think that it will be is naive.  I'm doing my very best for her.  Sometimes i just feel like i fail.  Trying to pray through that right now.


Talking of Cora, here are some things about her lately;

1. She is saying a few new things.  She has started saying "OK!" in response to my statements.  She is also saying "I DO" when i'll ask something like, "who wants to take a bath?"
2. She just graduated to a size 4 diaper a week or so ago.
3. When she says "yes" she moves her jaw up and down instead of saying anything.  It's super funny.
4.  She is sleeping 12 or more hours a night.  It's a HUGE blessing that this girl is finally sleeping!!! She must be making up for the first 15ish months that she wouldn't sleep through the night.
5.  She knows most of her body parts and a few animals and their sounds.  She'll "sing" ABC's in her own little version that sounds NOTHING like ABC's that you and I know.


I'm going to try to blog more.

ps-  we're buying a house!

I'll catch you up more later...for now i'll leave you of one of my favorite pictures ever of my perfect babies.

Peace Out 2012.

It's awful i can hardly remember 2012.  It FLEW by.  I do remember one thing---death.  I know that sounds awful.  It's true though, it seems like 2012 not a couple weeks would go by that I didn't get a call telling me of someone whom had lost their lives.  I guess that is part of life, and happens more as we get older, but man, it's such a hard thing.


2012 was also the year we COMMITTED to a church body.  FINALLLLLLY.  We found our fit at Epic Church in Mishawaka, and we are so happy about that! :)


Here are some of our 2012 Highlights:  (mainly things i don't want to forget about...even though they may not seem that "big")

NOT in order.




1-  Our trip to Chicago to spend a weekend with our Nashville buddies.  Ugh- LOVE them.. miss them :-/

2- Owen gets a BIG boy bed. Like, REALLY big.

3. A new niece!

4. our first experience at the beach-

5. Owen rides a bike

6. First ER trip with Owen 

:)

7. Cora turns ONE

8.  My baby goes to preschool 

9. We grew our first SUCCESSFUL garden :)

10. Our first time at a pumpkin patch 

And here are some of my FAVORITE photos from this year :)

Happy 2013 Everyone.

I hope this year brings love, peace, fulfillment & Contentment to your souls.